I wish to feel again...

My innocence is butchered
 in the world of hare and hounds,
my voice is quelled
in the innumerable haunting sounds,
my love is lost
 in the rabble of rapacious towns,
and my heart is seared
somewhere in the barren grounds.

Let my innocence grow again,
where the world is harmless and more humane;
let my voice be heard,
where my feeling is weighed more than my word;
let my love be a song,
where the rhapsody of my vibrant life can string along,
let my heart float again,
where the ocean is full of euphoric madness and pain.

Shattering all the shackles, evading all the debacles,
let my soul break off the constraint and restrain,
because I wish to feel again…

The Fighter...

Each and every passing day, I tell myself to not to give up, to keep up the fight. Giving up is always easy, blaming people, blaming life is always easy, finding escapes from reality is always easy, but to keep fighting is the tough thing. Everybody has his own struggle in life, I have bred my own, and you have salvaged yours. But no matter how hard the punches or blows from other side are, there is no turning back, there is no way to run away. Don’t expect a clean fight, there is blood and sweat involved, the battle demands it, and you must accede to its demands.

There are people yelling at you to surrender, there are situation howling at you to renege, there are excuses screaming at you to quit. You get into a state of despair and even despondency, hopelessness swallows your guts, your spirit is scorched by the rage of nefarious people, each and every fragment of your soul is falling apart, the will to survive is flailing and darkness is all you can see with the expanse of your eyes. There are reams of challenges and remonstrations to pull you back and commanding you to give up!

But I don’t do that, because I am a fighter. Because after striving through all this, a day comes when fighting becomes a habit, and you can’t live without it. You savour each and every moment of it. You fight because you have the will to survive, you fight because your fight has found a meaning, and you fight because you have a reason for it. It’s a meaningful percussion to beat out the rhythm of the life.

I fight every day, because I am nothing without it. I fight for nobody, but for myself. I fight to keep myself away from sinking into the abysmal hole that world creates. Your fight is completely your own, don’t seek compassion, support or any kind of sympathy. If you seek such things, you are not a fighter anymore. No matter what it takes and no matter how, always keep your dreams alive, and they will keep you alive throughout your battle, they won’t let you die. There is a hope that strives thorough all the journey. Never give up on that hope, It will never let you sink.

The situations could be extreme, the people could be very dirty, but a warrior has to fight, because that is what he is born for.

So, what’s your fight? figure it out, and fortify. Be a fighter and Keep fighting! 

"No life is complete without a fight, make sure your fight is meaningful"

Child marriage can avoid Rape?

Khap Panchayat has come out yet again with some incredibly stupid possible solution to a problem. These dim-witted and brainless creatures must be given some award atleast for uniqueness. Supporting them is the former Haryana Chief Minister, Om Prakash Chautala who confidently believes in this solution, I don’t blame him; it’s not rare to be astoundingly idiot and confident at the same time.

With the above question there are few more that cross my mind:
Are the ones who rape are unmarried? How will marriage curb this monster instinct of such men? Is it like promoting legal rape by allowing child marriage? Is it like forcing women into a combo of marriage and rape than only rape? Is it a limited period offer that a girl can get in her teenage only? Is it that if I am not married till now, I will turn rapist one day? Is sex the sole purpose of the marriage? What do they think women are? And the most important one is: who the fuck got this idea?

It has been more than 15 sexual assaults on women in less than a month in Haryana. After reading all such news I expressed my pain and anguish before as well (unwanted girls), and it still is same or rather increasing. Then also it was women who were blamed for so called provocation by wearing alluring clothing. And now they are being blamed for not getting married early. What sense or logic does it make?

These Khap panchayats are still dictating their terms with brute force. They don’t allow love, they don’t allow women to live freely, and they kill people mercilessly in the name of honour. And still they are allowed to flourish. Is it that these rapes are also organized crimes just to put forth their demand for lowering the legal age for marriage?

Every time blaming victims, society, people, culture, customs etc. for rape and not the one who is actually responsible is betrayal of law and civilization. It’s completely preposterous and unacceptable.

“Rape is a monstrous act, we are humans, let’s not forget that.”

Oh! the beauty of Salamanca...

Oh the beauty of Salamanca,
tell me what am I looking for,
when all I could see is fog, mist and snow;
tell me what brings me here,
into this land of forest, ranches and meadow.

Let’s walk together to know more,
the limitless beauty to adore and to explore.
Farms so vast, bare trees, woods and lanes,
I see earth transcending into mountains;
Striving towards the top of the mountain ridge,
I find a breach on my connecting bridge.

Ah! It’s not raining, I am not drenched,
but I don’t deny being soaked in you,
into your flaming fragrance and beauty so true.
Bound in your beauty and yet I feel so free,
Cuddled and bushed up into your arms,
it feels I am bound in the fetters of your charm.

Oh the beauty of Salamanca,

how far I need to walk, and how deep I want to go, 

what are your concealed mysteries that I wish to know. 

I am here to reveal myself or is it something I wish to find,
what is it that takes me and what is it I am craving for,

I must know before I stop, what am I looking for.

*Salamanca is a beautiful town in Spain, I happened to visit there once and this poem is inspired by that place. The interpretation is as always is for the reader. :)

Soak no more into your “Shadow”…

Everybody has a shadow. It is not just your planar projection, it’s deep, very deep. It has a whole world of its own and you too are not beyond the realm of it. The very existence of the conscious and unconscious mind derives the ravaging battle of man against himself.  As defined by Carl Jung “The shadow exists as part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, instincts and shortcomings.” Many a times we talk to ourselves, with conflicting thoughts manoeuvring our rational behaviour. This is nothing but a conflict of our shadow with reality. The shadow will always restrain you. Never allow your shadow to reign you, never undermine your power.

Our fears breathe in our shadow, the more the fears are the darker the shadow becomes. And the darkness of shadow further increases its potency. It then becomes a vicious circle, the fears, weaknesses etc. keep on increasing and shadow keeps on becoming dark. What is needed is to get to know your shadow, interact with it, face it and bring things out of it. There is always an option to live your whole life with fears and blame your failures on others and things like destiny. But valiant is the man who takes a stand against all odds. It takes strength to go against people that surround you, but it takes a mighty courage to go against your shadow.

Many of us live in a fear of faux pas (social blunder), but that originates from our shadow. Our actions are conjugated with the fear of social acceptance. And for the sake of society we are ready to betray our dreams, our love, our life... Can such a person ever gain respect in his own eyes? Can he call him righteous? The guilt will darken his shadow and it’s painful to be effaced.    

Let not your weakness surmount you, do not suppress your dreams, do not eschew or evade reality, believe in your instincts. Shun all your fears, rip all your weaknesses and anything that stops you from living life. Soak no more into your shadow, it will only become dark, and you will never be able to dissolve it. Let not any shadow darken the sunny spot in life…  

Voice of a Rebel (The curious case of twenty-something guy)...

I am asking him to calm down, but he is not listening to me. He is asking me questions that I can’t answer.  That’s why I am calling him a rebel or I guess that’s what society calls a rebel. The rebel in me is talking to myself, he wants some answers. He is adamant and is asking me to go and find them. I am telling him it’s not possible for me, but he refuses to abide. There are rules, which he wants to break, and I want to keep.

I have told him several times that not every dream is supposed to come true and not everybody is supposed to understand your feelings. Sleepless nights will always be a part of your life and you cannot stop being restless. Life suddenly becomes a philosophy, thinking suddenly becomes rational, and people suddenly become smarter. It is all the curious case of twenty something guy. You feel that this all happens in a jiffy, you get no time to grow up and you feel trapped in the world where no one is able to understand you. The rebel keeps telling me that life is not fair, I keep telling him why do you expect it to be fair, who told you that? It’s not if you are good, the world will be good to you. It’s not if you love everybody, then everybody will love you too. How many times do I have to say, Stop Expecting!

He questions even my existence, I have started doubting my life, and it makes me scared. He is afraid of changes, he wants to live in the past, no matter how good or bad it was. The more he tries to keep the past close, the more he coasts away from the present. I keep telling him that everything has to end one day, the beauty is ephemeral and suffering is eternal, that’s how you are made to live. Why do you remind me only of bad times, I fucking hate this!

I do not understand and rather I do not wish to understand this world. Let me walk, please do not rebel. Let me float on the clouds of my dream land, where I am the king. Where no matter what happens I will keep doing things my way. Where I do not have to think about what people say. I still know how to laugh, I still know how to fight, I still know how to get up if I fall. Please do not choke me, suffocate me. Let me alone, let me be myself…

Finishing B.Tech is like losing virginity...

I am done with my engineering, I managed to survive. Finishing B.Tech feels like losing your virginity. Everybody is saying that I am gonna be fucked outside in the job world. It doesn’t make a difference to me - I felt quite fucked up here as well. I used to get gang raped in viva with lab assistant making my MMS. After first year I adopted the policy of “when you cannot avoid it, enjoy it “. Even after studying four years, my knowledge about subjects tends to zero and confusion about what to do in life tends to infinity. I have expertise only in counter strike and CAT is my favourite hobby (for next few more years). I am also an active supporter of Program of Natural Development of youth (PONDY), it is considered as best stress relieving program.

B.Tech is not a degree; it’s a strange phenomenon, with many paranormal activities involved. Lectures can bring mysterious sleep (I always felt insomniac during weekend because of no lectures); The peculiar ritual to beat the ass out of the B’day boy with NCC boots; Aliens like phattu, todu, bond, DJ, doga, baba, gattu, etc. (few have been censored) found only inside campus; going for a morning walk after a night out; drinking at hostel roof at 2 am; peeing at wardens door; bathing is as blasphemous as sleeping early etc etc. The only normal thing is being as happy as possible after screwing all exams.

IITians, considered as rare breed engineers, are nothing but Sex-deprived Pseudo dudes who realize their manhood only during cultural festivals. They feel they will turn into a chick-magnet after clearing JEE. Nothing such happens, but they still go with a same hope in the job or a MBA College. But there also girls are aware of their level of frustration and declare to turn Lesbian than to date an IITian. This struggle ends only after an arranged marriage.

After four years of lecture bunking, eating hopeless mess food, drinking all kinds of alcohol available and believing in Marijuana as the only herb known, I quite screwed up things. Ready or not, I am entering the second phase of my life. The only best thing I feel is a belief that I cannot fuck up things more than this. I have lost my virginity.  

Anyways, despite all fuck up, I will always cherish those beautiful four years where life kept boogieing on my terms.

Rohan