I can see you…

Now that you are far away,
and the distances have grown large,
I cannot talk, but I can see you;
Sometimes I shout, but always in vain,
for I know that neither my voice,
would be hearkened, nor my pain.

I can see you,
still dancing around the corner,
swaddling and draping freely in the arms, 
but the arms around your waist aren’t mine;
you are still humming the songs of love,
but the love in the songs is no longer mine.

I can see you,
that you have whatever you desired,
and happy with whomsoever you wanted to be,
but gone is the smile that ever was mine,
those hands that swung with mine,
and those lips that once did love mine.

I can see you,
your hands are pricked with thorns,
of holding that rose from the last winters,
the face is etched with the tearstains,
of the tears of the last remembrance,
and the eyes are dry now,
of all the dreams from the reminiscence.

I can see you,
with a cold heart and a longing soul,
in a castle choked with deception and grandiose,
where you bought your happiness
but sold your conscience,
 living with your regrets deep inside,
where the brightness scares you,
and the eternal darkness reside.

The Last Survey of the world (before it ends)…

I decided to go around the country and beyond to ask people about what do they think about the world coming to an end on 21^st December. I got quite a mixed response. Here are excerpts from my talk to various people:

We all know that people from Uttar Pradesh (UP) are very innocent. So, when I asked them, they completely ridiculed this piece of information; they said it cannot happen now. When asked how can you be so confident? They said Mayan civilization and also the Mayan calendar ended with the government of Mayawati, so the news is irrelevant. Also these innocent people are sure that is it Maya calendar and therefore it cannot be true. Moreover now we are part of Mulayan civilization, so we are not sure about the world, but UP will definitely end in next five years.

When I asked our super intelligent leader Rahul Gandhi about this, he said wtf! Why did no body tell me about this? He immediately called Digvijay Singh and asked him what to say, he said tell them “Ismein RSS ka haath hai”. He said wtf! to him as well. After listening to such high level of stupidity I realized who is sharing the bulk of 90% of fools in India that Justice Katju mentioned.

Then I asked Arvind Kejrival, he started shouting slogans and said “ aap kaun hotey hain ye decide karne wale, ye toh aam aadmi decide karega”. He said world cannot end before Jan Lokpaal Bill is passed,  and then called Anna Hazare to discuss next fast until death before world ends. Kapil Sibal full of frustration simply said “People suck and they deserve to die” and pledged to open 10 more IITs before 21^st December. He also revealed the secret behind opening so many IITs, he said he hates Jairam Ramesh.

All the engineering students said it’s useless now, it should have ended before end sem exams.  But still all the CAT aspirants are hopeful that world will end before the IIMs declare their cutoff list and save them from humiliation again. Students in IITs are more concerned about losing their virginity before losing their life. You can observe the sudden increase in marriages in this month, due to the same reason.

People in software companies have become so hopeless and can’t believe that the world is ending before weekend (21^st is Friday). When I asked one guy from infosys, he became too emotional and killed himself instantaneously by smashing his head into his laptop and the screen displayed “program terminated successfully”.

And finally I decided to go beyond and talked to people from Planet Nibiru by activating the machine of Koi mil gya (using pau paun paun paun script) and asked if they are gonna smack us or not. Firstly they did not answer for many days, but then they said, if you play that shit one more time, we will smack you right now.

The Innocence turmoil …

As always, the first thing that we do when we read or listen to something is to correlate things around with that word. The title of this essay easily catches you on the word Innocence; maybe you are also searching for innocence. And like everybody you will correlate this word to “innocent like a child”. Yes, because a child is pure, harmless and genuine. But as soon as he starts growing up, he starts gaining knowledge, he starts learning to lie, to be dishonest, to fake and fool around. So, is it the chase for learning and gaining knowledge that is drifting us away from innocence?  Or is it the lack of wisdom that is killing innocence?

“Innocence is being genuine in all the situations and harmless in all the intentions.” People are inherently innocent, but it is the vulnerability of the situation that at times tears the innocence to shreds. Tiffany Madison has said very pertinently:

“No one loses their innocence. It is either taken or given away willingly”. 

Sometimes derived of hardships, sometimes selfishness, sometimes egoism, sometimes pride, sometimes adversity, sometimes misery, in all the circumstances it’s us who give away the innocence and quite often there is someone at the receiving end.

So, are there actual innocent people left? Or is it because I have myself lost my innocence, I can’t find innocent people anymore? It is believed that innocence is related to inner beauty, so have I become so ugly that I can’t see innocence? Why is it so? Now career has become priority, money has become priority, people’s outlook has become a priority, and in the long list of priorities innocence has gradually come quite down. No one cares about the significance of being innocent, but if you kill your innocence you will live with guilt, or maybe these days people don’t have time for guilt as well.

In this era of materialism, where people have no time for innocence or purity of emotions, where the emotions are being limited to one’s own advantage, where the survival of the fittest has become more than an evolutionary theory, where submittal to the way things are has become a norm, it’s a continual inner turmoil that only innocence can bring to rest. Let aside living, a person lacking innocence can’t even dream freely.

“Every time you feel sad, or feel burdened by the world, just bring back the child in you”

I wish to feel again...

My innocence is butchered
 in the world of hare and hounds,
my voice is quelled
in the innumerable haunting sounds,
my love is lost
 in the rabble of rapacious towns,
and my heart is seared
somewhere in the barren grounds.

Let my innocence grow again,
where the world is harmless and more humane;
let my voice be heard,
where my feeling is weighed more than my word;
let my love be a song,
where the rhapsody of my vibrant life can string along,
let my heart float again,
where the ocean is full of euphoric madness and pain.

Shattering all the shackles, evading all the debacles,
let my soul break off the constraint and restrain,
because I wish to feel again…

The Fighter...

Each and every passing day, I tell myself to not to give up, to keep up the fight. Giving up is always easy, blaming people, blaming life is always easy, finding escapes from reality is always easy, but to keep fighting is the tough thing. Everybody has his own struggle in life, I have bred my own, and you have salvaged yours. But no matter how hard the punches or blows from other side are, there is no turning back, there is no way to run away. Don’t expect a clean fight, there is blood and sweat involved, the battle demands it, and you must accede to its demands.

There are people yelling at you to surrender, there are situation howling at you to renege, there are excuses screaming at you to quit. You get into a state of despair and even despondency, hopelessness swallows your guts, your spirit is scorched by the rage of nefarious people, each and every fragment of your soul is falling apart, the will to survive is flailing and darkness is all you can see with the expanse of your eyes. There are reams of challenges and remonstrations to pull you back and commanding you to give up!

But I don’t do that, because I am a fighter. Because after striving through all this, a day comes when fighting becomes a habit, and you can’t live without it. You savour each and every moment of it. You fight because you have the will to survive, you fight because your fight has found a meaning, and you fight because you have a reason for it. It’s a meaningful percussion to beat out the rhythm of the life.

I fight every day, because I am nothing without it. I fight for nobody, but for myself. I fight to keep myself away from sinking into the abysmal hole that world creates. Your fight is completely your own, don’t seek compassion, support or any kind of sympathy. If you seek such things, you are not a fighter anymore. No matter what it takes and no matter how, always keep your dreams alive, and they will keep you alive throughout your battle, they won’t let you die. There is a hope that strives thorough all the journey. Never give up on that hope, It will never let you sink.

The situations could be extreme, the people could be very dirty, but a warrior has to fight, because that is what he is born for.

So, what’s your fight? figure it out, and fortify. Be a fighter and Keep fighting! 

"No life is complete without a fight, make sure your fight is meaningful"

Child marriage can avoid Rape?

Khap Panchayat has come out yet again with some incredibly stupid possible solution to a problem. These dim-witted and brainless creatures must be given some award atleast for uniqueness. Supporting them is the former Haryana Chief Minister, Om Prakash Chautala who confidently believes in this solution, I don’t blame him; it’s not rare to be astoundingly idiot and confident at the same time.

With the above question there are few more that cross my mind:
Are the ones who rape are unmarried? How will marriage curb this monster instinct of such men? Is it like promoting legal rape by allowing child marriage? Is it like forcing women into a combo of marriage and rape than only rape? Is it a limited period offer that a girl can get in her teenage only? Is it that if I am not married till now, I will turn rapist one day? Is sex the sole purpose of the marriage? What do they think women are? And the most important one is: who the fuck got this idea?

It has been more than 15 sexual assaults on women in less than a month in Haryana. After reading all such news I expressed my pain and anguish before as well (unwanted girls), and it still is same or rather increasing. Then also it was women who were blamed for so called provocation by wearing alluring clothing. And now they are being blamed for not getting married early. What sense or logic does it make?

These Khap panchayats are still dictating their terms with brute force. They don’t allow love, they don’t allow women to live freely, and they kill people mercilessly in the name of honour. And still they are allowed to flourish. Is it that these rapes are also organized crimes just to put forth their demand for lowering the legal age for marriage?

Every time blaming victims, society, people, culture, customs etc. for rape and not the one who is actually responsible is betrayal of law and civilization. It’s completely preposterous and unacceptable.

“Rape is a monstrous act, we are humans, let’s not forget that.”

Oh! the beauty of Salamanca...

Oh the beauty of Salamanca,
tell me what am I looking for,
when all I could see is fog, mist and snow;
tell me what brings me here,
into this land of forest, ranches and meadow.

Let’s walk together to know more,
the limitless beauty to adore and to explore.
Farms so vast, bare trees, woods and lanes,
I see earth transcending into mountains;
Striving towards the top of the mountain ridge,
I find a breach on my connecting bridge.

Ah! It’s not raining, I am not drenched,
but I don’t deny being soaked in you,
into your flaming fragrance and beauty so true.
Bound in your beauty and yet I feel so free,
Cuddled and bushed up into your arms,
it feels I am bound in the fetters of your charm.

Oh the beauty of Salamanca,

how far I need to walk, and how deep I want to go, 

what are your concealed mysteries that I wish to know. 

I am here to reveal myself or is it something I wish to find,
what is it that takes me and what is it I am craving for,

I must know before I stop, what am I looking for.

*Salamanca is a beautiful town in Spain, I happened to visit there once and this poem is inspired by that place. The interpretation is as always is for the reader. :)

Soak no more into your “Shadow”…

Everybody has a shadow. It is not just your planar projection, it’s deep, very deep. It has a whole world of its own and you too are not beyond the realm of it. The very existence of the conscious and unconscious mind derives the ravaging battle of man against himself.  As defined by Carl Jung “The shadow exists as part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, instincts and shortcomings.” Many a times we talk to ourselves, with conflicting thoughts manoeuvring our rational behaviour. This is nothing but a conflict of our shadow with reality. The shadow will always restrain you. Never allow your shadow to reign you, never undermine your power.

Our fears breathe in our shadow, the more the fears are the darker the shadow becomes. And the darkness of shadow further increases its potency. It then becomes a vicious circle, the fears, weaknesses etc. keep on increasing and shadow keeps on becoming dark. What is needed is to get to know your shadow, interact with it, face it and bring things out of it. There is always an option to live your whole life with fears and blame your failures on others and things like destiny. But valiant is the man who takes a stand against all odds. It takes strength to go against people that surround you, but it takes a mighty courage to go against your shadow.

Many of us live in a fear of faux pas (social blunder), but that originates from our shadow. Our actions are conjugated with the fear of social acceptance. And for the sake of society we are ready to betray our dreams, our love, our life... Can such a person ever gain respect in his own eyes? Can he call him righteous? The guilt will darken his shadow and it’s painful to be effaced.    

Let not your weakness surmount you, do not suppress your dreams, do not eschew or evade reality, believe in your instincts. Shun all your fears, rip all your weaknesses and anything that stops you from living life. Soak no more into your shadow, it will only become dark, and you will never be able to dissolve it. Let not any shadow darken the sunny spot in life…  

Voice of a Rebel (The curious case of twenty-something guy)...

I am asking him to calm down, but he is not listening to me. He is asking me questions that I can’t answer.  That’s why I am calling him a rebel or I guess that’s what society calls a rebel. The rebel in me is talking to myself, he wants some answers. He is adamant and is asking me to go and find them. I am telling him it’s not possible for me, but he refuses to abide. There are rules, which he wants to break, and I want to keep.

I have told him several times that not every dream is supposed to come true and not everybody is supposed to understand your feelings. Sleepless nights will always be a part of your life and you cannot stop being restless. Life suddenly becomes a philosophy, thinking suddenly becomes rational, and people suddenly become smarter. It is all the curious case of twenty something guy. You feel that this all happens in a jiffy, you get no time to grow up and you feel trapped in the world where no one is able to understand you. The rebel keeps telling me that life is not fair, I keep telling him why do you expect it to be fair, who told you that? It’s not if you are good, the world will be good to you. It’s not if you love everybody, then everybody will love you too. How many times do I have to say, Stop Expecting!

He questions even my existence, I have started doubting my life, and it makes me scared. He is afraid of changes, he wants to live in the past, no matter how good or bad it was. The more he tries to keep the past close, the more he coasts away from the present. I keep telling him that everything has to end one day, the beauty is ephemeral and suffering is eternal, that’s how you are made to live. Why do you remind me only of bad times, I fucking hate this!

I do not understand and rather I do not wish to understand this world. Let me walk, please do not rebel. Let me float on the clouds of my dream land, where I am the king. Where no matter what happens I will keep doing things my way. Where I do not have to think about what people say. I still know how to laugh, I still know how to fight, I still know how to get up if I fall. Please do not choke me, suffocate me. Let me alone, let me be myself…

Finishing B.Tech is like losing virginity...

I am done with my engineering, I managed to survive. Finishing B.Tech feels like losing your virginity. Everybody is saying that I am gonna be fucked outside in the job world. It doesn’t make a difference to me - I felt quite fucked up here as well. I used to get gang raped in viva with lab assistant making my MMS. After first year I adopted the policy of “when you cannot avoid it, enjoy it “. Even after studying four years, my knowledge about subjects tends to zero and confusion about what to do in life tends to infinity. I have expertise only in counter strike and CAT is my favourite hobby (for next few more years). I am also an active supporter of Program of Natural Development of youth (PONDY), it is considered as best stress relieving program.

B.Tech is not a degree; it’s a strange phenomenon, with many paranormal activities involved. Lectures can bring mysterious sleep (I always felt insomniac during weekend because of no lectures); The peculiar ritual to beat the ass out of the B’day boy with NCC boots; Aliens like phattu, todu, bond, DJ, doga, baba, gattu, etc. (few have been censored) found only inside campus; going for a morning walk after a night out; drinking at hostel roof at 2 am; peeing at wardens door; bathing is as blasphemous as sleeping early etc etc. The only normal thing is being as happy as possible after screwing all exams.

IITians, considered as rare breed engineers, are nothing but Sex-deprived Pseudo dudes who realize their manhood only during cultural festivals. They feel they will turn into a chick-magnet after clearing JEE. Nothing such happens, but they still go with a same hope in the job or a MBA College. But there also girls are aware of their level of frustration and declare to turn Lesbian than to date an IITian. This struggle ends only after an arranged marriage.

After four years of lecture bunking, eating hopeless mess food, drinking all kinds of alcohol available and believing in Marijuana as the only herb known, I quite screwed up things. Ready or not, I am entering the second phase of my life. The only best thing I feel is a belief that I cannot fuck up things more than this. I have lost my virginity.  

Anyways, despite all fuck up, I will always cherish those beautiful four years where life kept boogieing on my terms.

Rohan

The (un)desirable and (un)wanted girls…

The desire of a male child leads to brutal killing of Afreen and Falak, clearly stating the message that you are not wanted here. A 23-year-old woman gets gang-raped in Gurgaon and our super active government comes with a solution in no time- NO women on streets after 8 pm. 

Fortunately if you can survive the foeticide, infanticide then unfortunately get ready to be raped. Women are assaulted at will and raped frequently even after marriage by their husband. Many countries have made spousal rape a criminal offence, not India. It is treated only as a form of noncriminal domestic violence and accepted as husband’s right.  

Being late out at night, drinking, talking, dressing, which is normal for a guy, if done by a girl, surprisingly becomes a perfect invitation for getting raped! It needs some strange extraterrestrial logic to explain this. I guess our police have something to explain here:

“If girls don’t stay within their boundaries, if they don’t wear appropriate clothes, then naturally there is attraction. This attraction makes men aggressive, prompting them to just do it.”

Rajpal Yadav
Additional SHO, Sector 29, Gurgaon


Bingo! I am sure every girl wants that rape-proof, anti-aggressive, anti-prompting, appropriate clothes.

 “You cannot drive alone at 2 am on Delhi’s roads and then claim that the Capital is unsafe. You should take your brother or driver with you. These reasonable precautions are expected to be taken by all citizens of the city.”

BK Gupta

Delhi Police Commissioner
Quite a reasonable precautions! Add one more – only couples to be allowed in the club must be siblings.

I mean what kind of biological phenomenon is this that a normal guy turns into a sex-crazy animal ready to rape any possible approachable female. And then what kind of law is this that blames women for this heinous crime. And then what kind of humans are we, tolerating this entire nuisance in the society.

In our country a female baby is killed by drowning, force feeding, abandoning and even burying alive. Our country’s capital is called the rape capital; where she is not safe even with her husband; where she cannot move freely and dress liberally. This isn't a sorry state of women, its the sorry state of men.

I feel sad when a girl passing by me and refuses to see into my eyes avoiding the so called wrong signal of, “inviting to rape”. I feel ashamed to be considered just another lewd lecherous guy by her. It is a distressing feeling to live in a society which makes some stupid postulation that the girl’s pride is above her life and then the same society rapes that pride off just to prove the point. Why do we need these proponents of gender equality, why do we need these women right commissions, why do we need special agencies to protect their rights, why do we need convoluted laws to give them justice? And we call our system liberal with equal rights to all, what kind of liberalism is this?

Yes, indeed they are undesired and unwanted at the time of their birth and if by chance they are into this world they are desired and wanted by these lecherous and obnoxious mentally ill men, who have lost their morality along with sanity.  

“Rape is a monstrous act, we are humans, let’s not forget that.”

That girl in green...

Angelic she looked wearing green,
taking me back to the days we were teen,
the charm and lure was there as ever before,
oozing out memories from the days of the yore.
The dark night, the restless sea and the ceaseless sky,
walking hand in hand with no destination to arrive,
I still remember it was February the twenty five…

Her blue eyes gleaming by the sparse moonlight,
the gold chain round her neck so bright,
the waves rising and falling for her single glance,
and the fog enveloping us with love and romance.
The silence of the night and a cold breeze of the sea side,
the moment I waited so long at last arrived,
when our eyes started talking and the words just died…

I wished for night to become abyss and eternal,
dwelling in each other’s eyes and the bliss perpetual,
feeling every moment of life along with her smile,
standing still and motionless and yet crossing a million mile.
But the moon was melting and the night was fading,
the time was running and she had to depart,
and I asked her, how will the love grow when we are apart…

She looked deep into my eyes and asked my heart,
Where do you wish to stay?
and it went to her before I had anything to say.
then she caressed me into the warmth of her arms,
before saying good-bye she whispered to my restive heart,
I will soon be wearing green,
and will meet you again on December the thirteen…

Speak Up!

Sometimes we are shy to speak, sometimes we don’t have the courage, sometimes we don’t speak thinking of the consequences, and sometimes we don’t speak because we are just too involved in other things. At times we also wait for the right time to speak, but death waits for nobody. And then you realize that you waited too long to speak up… and all that is left in the end is a dead hope, a broken promise and a few shattered dreams. So, speak up before it is too late. Speak up before the person is gone from your world. Unspoken feelings leave a deep chasm inside. A void difficult to be filled, because there is no close end to it. Be expressive; express to your loved ones every emotion inside. It’s always better to speak than to keep things inside.

Life is too short for hatred or vengeance. Speak in the tender language of affection and care, words from a kind heart could never hurt anybody. Make a commitment to yourself to speak up, to tell the people around how you feel about them, to tell them how important they are, how special they are for you. People come and go, what they take along are just memories, and its only words that can make that memory a sweet one and worth a remembrance. Also a distressed soul needs nothing but someone to speak to, be that patient listener to the distressed soul. Adore people when they are with you and remember them when they are gone, without regrets...

Death Note...

I am dying. I can feel my pulse going slow and blood going out of my veins. Soon my intoxicated blood will stop flowing; my body will become number. In few moments I will be nothing but a corpse. In these last moments I can feel the panoply of events that happened in my short life. There is a mix of fear and pain in it. My desire to live will come to an end and my longing to know about afterlife will be fulfilled. I will not be able to go home, where my loving ones would be waiting. Who will take care of them? My mother’s everyday prayers for my safe arrival to home will come to an end. How will god be able to face her unfulfilled prayers? But I will go to a place still unknown, concealed and obscured. Predilection of life is overpowering and delaying my death.

I took some poison and cut my veins deep at two spots. I feel that afterlife will be more beautiful. I have chosen that place for me. Somehow death started looking beautiful than life. One small failure became larger than life. My sorrow was able to defeat life. And in the utter state of desolation I chose death…

But then why is it that this seemingly ugly world is not allowing me to die peacefully. How could I expect the afterlife to be better than the life now? What if it is worse? How can I be predisposed towards death? How can I give up on most precious thing-My Life. Death can bring an end to my brief state of distress. But will deprive me of all the moments of love, pride, glory, success which only life can give me. The death no longer seems enticing to me. It’s never too late. Someone, please talk to me. Someone, please save me!!!

~

Death can never be the solution of problems in life. Solution lies in the same world we live in, fight them here, defeat them and taste the victory. 

An appeal from a common Indian-28 Rs a Day Life

Dear PM,

Chairman, Planning Commission.

I know you are a big economist, who took our country out of some financial debt crisis in early 1990’s. I am sure that India must be progressing very well, I heard that the all India poverty ratio declined from 37.2% in 2004-05 to 29.8% in 2009-2010, good job, but I am still hungry. I still cannot manage a decent meal. To prove the progress through numbers seems a good idea: If you cannot take people out of poverty line, it’s better to lower the poverty line. But the reality still remains the same. Please come to real life, stop making fun of me.

I am not an economist, neither do I have any sense to calculate the poverty line based on numerous complex parameters, which are supposedly more "inclusive". I am not learned enough to understand the intricacies and complications of a democracy. But as a common man it makes complete sense to me or any other sane person surviving on this planet, that it is impossible for me to live on 28 Rs.

Last year Mr Montek Singh Ahluwalia said that “Rs 32 a day poverty line not all that ridiculous”, I guess you are making genuine efforts to make it ridiculous. There were calorie norms to define poverty, I don’t know what happened to them, I guess they were ridiculous as well. This miserable sum of 28 Rs is supposed to take care of not only my food but all non-food essentials as well like clothing, fuel, lighting, education, transport, medical, house rent etc. Wow! Do you think there is still margin from being ridiculous?

The BPL census that started in 2011 depicted equal awesomeness of your smartness, it had a questionnaire which was smart enough to exclude me from the BPL*. Sir, I am not that smart. It’s beyond my comprehension that due to some supply chain management problem, you can allow the grains to rot but you cannot give them to me to eat. You have thousands of schemes and acts and bills and policies for my upliftment, but I am still unable to rise a millimetre. There must be some problem.

Sir, I am just another common man, living in a village, who feels happy to hear the stories of India shining. I struggle to live every day, earning a single piece of bread for me and my family is my only purpose of life. I do not dream of going to big malls, watching cinema, shopping expensive perfumes, but I do dream to live a healthy life with pride. Our constitution gives me a “right to life”(article 21), it is my fundamental right and your duty to provide me that. I am not trying to stop you from your work, but do come to my home some day, I will always welcome you with a smile, India might be shining but Indians are not.

-Just another Common Indian. 

* (Interested readers can read this brilliant article http://www.hindu.com/2011/06/09/stories/2011060955451000.htm)

   Rs. 32 a day is not that ridiculous (http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/article2529285.ece)

I never told her...

I never told her,
that in the day my eyes look for her,
and in the night my dreams strive to find her;
that into her gleaming eyes I can stay,
and her smile just takes my breath away;
that it is a completely different world when she is near,
and that I always look at her when she plays with her strangled hair;
that I wait for her outside the class door every day,
and I have nowhere to go, and I am here to stay;
that I try to find every reason to talk to her,
and beyond the realm of the reason I love her;
though she is not too far away and things are simpler this way,
but I hope she will understand someday, that I am just too shy to say…

The Beauty Must Die...

 I lived in my place with a beauty,
a beauty so spotless and innocent
and we fostered love until a day,
when this bestial world made its sway
the beauty was made to suffer and pay
and I wished, if only I had a way.
I ask for nothing,
but the anguish must die.

My fading hopes and dying inspirations,
with never ending pain, grave and unholy.
My agony taking over my strength,
and yielding to this melancholy.
My sordid journey devoid of trust and hallow,
dunked into deep and dark hollow.
I ask for nothing,
but my faith must die.

Of all the numbness I have felt,
and all the restlessness I have dwelled.
Of all the disdain and despair I lived,
and the helplessness and solitude breathed.
Of all loathe and despise distended,
and the cavernous sorrow that prevailed.
I ask for nothing,
but the beauty must die.

PS: The poem was written in deep distress so it is a depressing poem. But then poem is nothing but the expression of feelings through words. 

Turn towards the silence of the sea...

There was hoopla all around, people were busy in a variety of activities, collectively understood to be enjoyment. It was a beach side New Year party. Scared by the madness of the swarming people around, I started walking away. Jostling my way through the people drenched in the lively disposition, I thought to take a stroll along the beach promenade. As I came out of the raucous, I witnessed the vastness of the sea. I stayed still for a moment, and then decided to take the weight off my feet and sit beside the looming waves. There was a peculiar serenity in its ruffling yet calm waves lustred by the silky moonlight. The approaching waves had no particular purpose and receding was the inevitable part of the process. Unaware of its mesmerizing beauty the ingenuous sea with and expanse of infinity and the sounds of harmony, was just too involved in playing with its waves. I was amused and kept staring at its vastness.

I too wish to undulate, roll, ripple... I too wish to know the vastness of my heart. I too wish to know the art of not only moving ahead, but also to know when to recede. I too wish my ruffling thoughts to take calm at times. I too wish that whosoever comes to me gets drenched into my thought waves. I too wish to be as mystifying as its depth. I too wish to have a moon in my life, who can bring tides out of me. I don’t know why did I turn towards the silence of the sea, but that silence spoke loud to me. I guess sometimes it is good to take a break from all the rush around and listen to your silence. Or maybe, it wasn’t the silence of sea, it was the silence inside that was finding a place to talk to me. Give some space to yourself, and at times, turn towards the silence of the sea...

Suddenly, I heard a shrill voice, “hey Rohan! What are you doing there man? All the fun is here”. I asked myself “Really?” and then walked back towards the heaving mob.  

"If there is something deeper than you, its my heart"