I am asking him to calm down, but he is not listening to me.
He is asking me questions that I can’t answer.
That’s why I am calling him a rebel or I guess that’s what society calls
a rebel. The rebel in me is talking to myself, he wants some answers. He is adamant
and is asking me to go and find them. I am telling him it’s not possible for
me, but he refuses to abide. There are rules, which he wants to break, and I
want to keep.
I have told him several times that not every dream is
supposed to come true and not everybody is supposed to understand your
feelings. Sleepless nights will always be a part of your life and you cannot
stop being restless. Life suddenly becomes a philosophy, thinking suddenly
becomes rational, and people suddenly become smarter. It is all the curious
case of twenty something guy. You feel that this all happens in a jiffy, you
get no time to grow up and you feel trapped in the world where no one is able
to understand you. The rebel keeps telling me that life is not fair, I keep
telling him why do you expect it to be fair, who told you that? It’s not if you
are good, the world will be good to you. It’s not if you love everybody, then
everybody will love you too. How many times do I have to say, Stop Expecting!
He questions even my existence, I have started doubting my
life, and it makes me scared. He is afraid of changes, he wants to live in the past,
no matter how good or bad it was. The more he tries to keep the past close, the
more he coasts away from the present. I keep telling him that everything has to
end one day, the beauty is ephemeral and suffering is eternal, that’s how you
are made to live. Why do you remind me only of bad times, I fucking hate this!
I do not understand and rather I do not wish to understand
this world. Let me walk, please do not rebel. Let me float on the clouds of my
dream land, where I am the king. Where no matter what happens I will keep doing
things my way. Where I do not have to think about what people say. I still know
how to laugh, I still know how to fight, I still know how to get up if I fall. Please
do not choke me, suffocate me. Let me alone, let me be myself…
1 comment:
Your word has such deep impact on me that whenever i read them,i feel like i am reading my own story.
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