What it takes to be Dhoni

It takes power to dream something incogitable, and then it takes a Dhoni to accomplish it. In a country where cricket is more sensitive than the religious hysteria it has, it takes a Dhoni to command.  No one can deny that he is a tough man, who has shown calm and composure in the times when zillions had chill running down their spines even with the thought of being in his situation. No matter how tough the situation could be, it takes a Dhoni to come out of that situation. It takes nerves of steel to be unruffled, when a billion people have put their hopes on you and then finish things off with a style.  I will join #Gavaskar in what he said, “When I die, the last thing I want to see is the six that Dhoni hit in the 2011 World Cup final." When the whole country goes frenzy in a stream of madness, when everybody in the team is yelling with joy, it takes Dhoni to accept the win with a simple smile. He gave new limits to the definition of coolness. It takes a sensational style to be Dhoni.

It is pointless to count what he achieved for himself and the country, what matters is how he achieved. Everybody will turn into a psychoanalyst and there will be swarms of analysis coming out about his behavior and reasons for retirement. There will always be theories and conspiracies cropping from here and there about his retirement, but the man not flinched for so long will be unhindered by the hullabaloo. This is what it takes to be Dhoni, isolated not from the outside world but from within. People will keep on complaining and praising, isolated is one who is neither titillated by the win nor wrecked by the loss. The notion of winning or losing, people cursing or praising becomes secondary and the person becomes legendary.  To remain in the state of Normalcy in all the chaotic situations around is something he mastered. This is what differentiates him from other leaders and this is what it takes to be the skipper.

He retired in his own unpretentious way, without a fuss or buzz about his retirement. He has done everything in style, and retired with a style in 2014 with a day to spare. He will be acknowledged as best controller and remembered as the best finisher of the game. An era of cricket ends...

Am I lost?

They were telling me that I am lost, and that I do not belong to this place, I was a stranger to them, but I was feeling OK. I had no such outlandish feeling as they were suggesting me.

I was in a rarefied tone of euphoric notes. The surroundings never felt so beautiful and liberated. And as always I took some notes. I was walking and traipsing all over the world just to find myself. I was taking notes, the notes of life and making my own indistinct pastiche of experience, joy, laughter, sadness, pain, ecstasy and numerous such feelings which I always denied to sense and express.

I did not understand why they were so concerned about me. Neither was I too concerned about their existence, nor their opinions. But it was definitely disturbing the rapture I was trying to establish. They asked me if I was following my dream? What kind of question was that, it made no sense to me… If they were asking for some practical money making venture, or a ride to follow my passion, I was away from both of those mainline gambles. My dream, like every other young boy, is still that secret wish inside me of turning up into a superhero one day. No matter how eccentric or maybe uncouth it may seem, but that is the only dream I carry and will always carry.

I don’t understand what most people say to me, and that’s why I may seem lost to them. But I am happy being lost, happy being lost in life. The persistent chase of the hope, the perplexed questions of existence, the confounded source of origin, the riven strings of the past and the unfamiliar fears of the future will always keep you in a perpetual state of being lost in life. Being lost is exquisite in itself. The believer in life will always be happy being lost in it. Some people are happy being dissolved in the background, some try to spread out wings and fly and some are happy just being lost. It is perfectly ok if you are not able to connect the dots backwards, maybe you don’t have to connect them. Let them be scattered. Let there be chaos, enigma, mysteries, confusions, disorder in life. These are the charms that will always keep you lost in life.

The only thing that you need to be concerned of is keep moving, no matter what happens, you must not stop the journey. You can rest, because even homer sometimes nods. And always remember that tomorrow might belong to those who plan, but today belongs to those who don’t give a fuck about tomorrow…

The great Indian Spot fixing...

If you are an aware and conscious Indian, you must have realized that we are in a kind of dire situation where all our hopes are dying. The scandals have reached the peak of all times, where the money involved challenges our mathematics skills to count zeros. Cricket fans are feeling like being ripped off their religion. The only thing that used to give calm to the otherwise detested and dejected mind also no longer seems real. Cricketism which was supposed to bring everybody together is facing wrath from its followers.  In a country famous for intellects, Rahul Gandhi is being portrayed as the potential PM candidate. The media is free and yet all rigged and sold. It has become difficult to differentiate between the news channels and the comedy channels, rather comedy channels are losing their TRPs to the news channels. The politicians were never good, accused of rapes, murders, watching porn in assembly, abusing people in public etc. but are becoming worse now. The business is losing ethics.

If you look carefully, then everything seems fixed, with basic driving forces being money and power as always. The cricketers are paid by bookies to perform badly for their own benefits, and the politicians are paid by the businessmen to perform badly again for their own benefits.  And in the end the bookies and businessmen turn out to be the same. The politicians then again take money from these accused businessmen to mould and maul the laws accordingly and save them.  If a politician is caught the others are there to save him. Even the Chief Investigating organization is not free to act. So, the politicians, the journalists, the police, the businessmen, and almost any other authority to serve the people are being paid to perform defectively. The democracy has come to a standstill, and it is fixed too. The alliances of UPA government are fixed to Congress because as soon as they threat to detach, they cause an immediate threat for themselves of being raided and jailed. This whole bloody system has become so complex and convoluted that everyone involved is fixed.

The situation has become so helpless that despite knowing that Congress is living deep in the hole of corruption, people had to vote for Congress in Karnataka because they had no other option. The media was busy luring us with IPL updates when our borders were facing threats from neighbors. The opposition demands just one thing “Resignation”, so that they get their chance in the game. I don’t know if Congress will lure the poor again in the deceit of schemes like Food Security Bill, or people will vote for BJP to get rid of Congress. But I hope in the words of our lyrical PM that “Sitaron se aage jahan aur bhi hai” comes true for Indian people. 

My Evil...

Under the garb of woes alone I perched,

and the lifeless essence was all around,

I wore the robes of dreadful sorrow,

and strolled into the terrain of barren ground,

there was no one there to sit by my side,

with agonizing deceptions and dreariness beside,

I looked upon the lords of good to bestow,

and I waited, waited in the fallow,

till my hopes of good and truth were all but dried.

Upon me, the preachers of good bellowed and howled,
rejected, abandoned and renounced by them,

I wrestled my way through the forces of condemn,

what good this good is for me?

and what this truth has ever brought to me,

but now the hypocrisy of good will come to an end,

and the existence of truth shall be dispelled,

from the abomination of self and abhorrence of all,

eclipsed by the demonic darkness, cold and cries,

my evil shall rise…

The beauty of darkness…

It was a dark starry night. There is an awe and sense of fascination when you are lying down and looking into all those galactic stars. It is not only with me, it is with everybody, when you take a gander at the raving beauty of the star studded sky you get attracted towards it, it draws you towards itself. It will make you fall for it and you will just keep admiring the vastness and perplexity of the night. There is a depth which goes to abyss, and you get involved in finding that confounding deepness.  It has a sense of pacification and stillness that you are always seeking inside you. There is infinitude of emotions which bring peace and calmness to soul. I was also lying there on the ground, taking a shower of this darkness. The darkness was unparalleled. I call it the beauty of darkness. It is mystifying, alluring, captivating, pensive and mesmeric.

The delicacy is in observance. You feel that you are evoking yourself out, there is an exuberance of thoughts that are flowing all over the places near you, but it is the darkness that sublimes them into itself. It not only sublimes them, it gives rest to your thoughts and invites you to fuse in itself. It is so vast and so profound that it gives requiescence to all your mental deliberations and then after sometime all you see is just the dark sky and the stars in it. All the noise in your head starts to fade off and then you hear the loudest sound of all, the Silence. The silence of the darkness is captivating. You reach the stage of stillness. My thoughts were also running berserk, there was a chaos, I don’t know what I was trying to find, but there was something that my mind wanted to bring out. I wanted to bring it out and give it to the darkness. I wanted the darkness to take it away from me, ever and forever.  

The darkness also beholds you; it will take care of you in the times of loneliness. For ages people have been attracted towards night sky, it is because they find it pacificatory. No one can feel alone in the sky full of stars. You feel a mystic presence near you, which talks to you and yet you are silent. The sense of belongingness to them educes. I was also feeling them, there was no other feeling. I was just looking at the sky, nothing more. I realized that beauty is beyond the things we can see, it is in imaginations, it is in dreams, it is in thoughts, and that day it was in the black. 

The greatest gift of life...

With arms wide open… standing on a cliff… facing the sea… light wind blowing through my hair. It feels as if the whole world is coming to embrace me, and I just wish to squeeze it into my arms. I can feel the breath of life infusing into my lungs, filtering every thought of mine, and giving every reason to smile. The setting sun of the dusk is making things golden all around. It seems that the life is glowing. Life never looked so beautiful before in twilight. In a solemn snippet of this moment of life I relived all my past. Every precious moment, or the moment of joy was flashing through my memory evolving into a picturesque citadel of dreams, aspirations and hopes. It gave me a sense of who I am, it calmed me. I wished to close my eyes for sometime only to capture that moment forever into my eyes and embed it eternally in my memory. So that one day, I will just take it out and give myself the pleasure of paradise.

I know I can, you can… But some people can’t.

Not everybody is lucky enough to see and appreciate all the beauty around. Many people just wonder what it would be to be visually impaired, others are not even courageous enough to think about it. But I met someone who is not only courageous enough to think about them, but is also living her life to lift the spirits of all such people. She is a believer and she told me there is life without eyes too. She talks to them, consoles them, motivates them, listen to them. She is there to tread them through all difficulties they face but can’t see. She told me how it is to see the world from someone else’s eyes. She is that someone who shows the world to them. She tells them the joy of feeling things. She tells them the power of what no one else but a tender heart has to see.

Can you also see through the eyes of your heart? Do you feel that someone who is not as lucky as you has also the right to see this world? Donate your eyes, and feel the joy of giving the greatest gift of life. What can be better than your death bringing life to somebody…

PS: If you wish to donate your eyes, you just need to fill in 6 columns, and you will give one of the greatest gifts of life to somebody http://www.bharateyebank.org/eyepledgeform.php

I can see you…

Now that you are far away,
and the distances have grown large,
I cannot talk, but I can see you;
Sometimes I shout, but always in vain,
for I know that neither my voice,
would be hearkened, nor my pain.

I can see you,
still dancing around the corner,
swaddling and draping freely in the arms, 
but the arms around your waist aren’t mine;
you are still humming the songs of love,
but the love in the songs is no longer mine.

I can see you,
that you have whatever you desired,
and happy with whomsoever you wanted to be,
but gone is the smile that ever was mine,
those hands that swung with mine,
and those lips that once did love mine.

I can see you,
your hands are pricked with thorns,
of holding that rose from the last winters,
the face is etched with the tearstains,
of the tears of the last remembrance,
and the eyes are dry now,
of all the dreams from the reminiscence.

I can see you,
with a cold heart and a longing soul,
in a castle choked with deception and grandiose,
where you bought your happiness
but sold your conscience,
 living with your regrets deep inside,
where the brightness scares you,
and the eternal darkness reside.

The Last Survey of the world (before it ends)…

I decided to go around the country and beyond to ask people about what do they think about the world coming to an end on 21^st December. I got quite a mixed response. Here are excerpts from my talk to various people:

We all know that people from Uttar Pradesh (UP) are very innocent. So, when I asked them, they completely ridiculed this piece of information; they said it cannot happen now. When asked how can you be so confident? They said Mayan civilization and also the Mayan calendar ended with the government of Mayawati, so the news is irrelevant. Also these innocent people are sure that is it Maya calendar and therefore it cannot be true. Moreover now we are part of Mulayan civilization, so we are not sure about the world, but UP will definitely end in next five years.

When I asked our super intelligent leader Rahul Gandhi about this, he said wtf! Why did no body tell me about this? He immediately called Digvijay Singh and asked him what to say, he said tell them “Ismein RSS ka haath hai”. He said wtf! to him as well. After listening to such high level of stupidity I realized who is sharing the bulk of 90% of fools in India that Justice Katju mentioned.

Then I asked Arvind Kejrival, he started shouting slogans and said “ aap kaun hotey hain ye decide karne wale, ye toh aam aadmi decide karega”. He said world cannot end before Jan Lokpaal Bill is passed,  and then called Anna Hazare to discuss next fast until death before world ends. Kapil Sibal full of frustration simply said “People suck and they deserve to die” and pledged to open 10 more IITs before 21^st December. He also revealed the secret behind opening so many IITs, he said he hates Jairam Ramesh.

All the engineering students said it’s useless now, it should have ended before end sem exams.  But still all the CAT aspirants are hopeful that world will end before the IIMs declare their cutoff list and save them from humiliation again. Students in IITs are more concerned about losing their virginity before losing their life. You can observe the sudden increase in marriages in this month, due to the same reason.

People in software companies have become so hopeless and can’t believe that the world is ending before weekend (21^st is Friday). When I asked one guy from infosys, he became too emotional and killed himself instantaneously by smashing his head into his laptop and the screen displayed “program terminated successfully”.

And finally I decided to go beyond and talked to people from Planet Nibiru by activating the machine of Koi mil gya (using pau paun paun paun script) and asked if they are gonna smack us or not. Firstly they did not answer for many days, but then they said, if you play that shit one more time, we will smack you right now.

The Innocence turmoil …

As always, the first thing that we do when we read or listen to something is to correlate things around with that word. The title of this essay easily catches you on the word Innocence; maybe you are also searching for innocence. And like everybody you will correlate this word to “innocent like a child”. Yes, because a child is pure, harmless and genuine. But as soon as he starts growing up, he starts gaining knowledge, he starts learning to lie, to be dishonest, to fake and fool around. So, is it the chase for learning and gaining knowledge that is drifting us away from innocence?  Or is it the lack of wisdom that is killing innocence?

“Innocence is being genuine in all the situations and harmless in all the intentions.” People are inherently innocent, but it is the vulnerability of the situation that at times tears the innocence to shreds. Tiffany Madison has said very pertinently:

“No one loses their innocence. It is either taken or given away willingly”. 

Sometimes derived of hardships, sometimes selfishness, sometimes egoism, sometimes pride, sometimes adversity, sometimes misery, in all the circumstances it’s us who give away the innocence and quite often there is someone at the receiving end.

So, are there actual innocent people left? Or is it because I have myself lost my innocence, I can’t find innocent people anymore? It is believed that innocence is related to inner beauty, so have I become so ugly that I can’t see innocence? Why is it so? Now career has become priority, money has become priority, people’s outlook has become a priority, and in the long list of priorities innocence has gradually come quite down. No one cares about the significance of being innocent, but if you kill your innocence you will live with guilt, or maybe these days people don’t have time for guilt as well.

In this era of materialism, where people have no time for innocence or purity of emotions, where the emotions are being limited to one’s own advantage, where the survival of the fittest has become more than an evolutionary theory, where submittal to the way things are has become a norm, it’s a continual inner turmoil that only innocence can bring to rest. Let aside living, a person lacking innocence can’t even dream freely.

“Every time you feel sad, or feel burdened by the world, just bring back the child in you”

I wish to feel again...

My innocence is butchered
 in the world of hare and hounds,
my voice is quelled
in the innumerable haunting sounds,
my love is lost
 in the rabble of rapacious towns,
and my heart is seared
somewhere in the barren grounds.

Let my innocence grow again,
where the world is harmless and more humane;
let my voice be heard,
where my feeling is weighed more than my word;
let my love be a song,
where the rhapsody of my vibrant life can string along,
let my heart float again,
where the ocean is full of euphoric madness and pain.

Shattering all the shackles, evading all the debacles,
let my soul break off the constraint and restrain,
because I wish to feel again…

The Fighter...

Each and every passing day, I tell myself to not to give up, to keep up the fight. Giving up is always easy, blaming people, blaming life is always easy, finding escapes from reality is always easy, but to keep fighting is the tough thing. Everybody has his own struggle in life, I have bred my own, and you have salvaged yours. But no matter how hard the punches or blows from other side are, there is no turning back, there is no way to run away. Don’t expect a clean fight, there is blood and sweat involved, the battle demands it, and you must accede to its demands.

There are people yelling at you to surrender, there are situation howling at you to renege, there are excuses screaming at you to quit. You get into a state of despair and even despondency, hopelessness swallows your guts, your spirit is scorched by the rage of nefarious people, each and every fragment of your soul is falling apart, the will to survive is flailing and darkness is all you can see with the expanse of your eyes. There are reams of challenges and remonstrations to pull you back and commanding you to give up!

But I don’t do that, because I am a fighter. Because after striving through all this, a day comes when fighting becomes a habit, and you can’t live without it. You savour each and every moment of it. You fight because you have the will to survive, you fight because your fight has found a meaning, and you fight because you have a reason for it. It’s a meaningful percussion to beat out the rhythm of the life.

I fight every day, because I am nothing without it. I fight for nobody, but for myself. I fight to keep myself away from sinking into the abysmal hole that world creates. Your fight is completely your own, don’t seek compassion, support or any kind of sympathy. If you seek such things, you are not a fighter anymore. No matter what it takes and no matter how, always keep your dreams alive, and they will keep you alive throughout your battle, they won’t let you die. There is a hope that strives thorough all the journey. Never give up on that hope, It will never let you sink.

The situations could be extreme, the people could be very dirty, but a warrior has to fight, because that is what he is born for.

So, what’s your fight? figure it out, and fortify. Be a fighter and Keep fighting! 

"No life is complete without a fight, make sure your fight is meaningful"

Child marriage can avoid Rape?

Khap Panchayat has come out yet again with some incredibly stupid possible solution to a problem. These dim-witted and brainless creatures must be given some award atleast for uniqueness. Supporting them is the former Haryana Chief Minister, Om Prakash Chautala who confidently believes in this solution, I don’t blame him; it’s not rare to be astoundingly idiot and confident at the same time.

With the above question there are few more that cross my mind:
Are the ones who rape are unmarried? How will marriage curb this monster instinct of such men? Is it like promoting legal rape by allowing child marriage? Is it like forcing women into a combo of marriage and rape than only rape? Is it a limited period offer that a girl can get in her teenage only? Is it that if I am not married till now, I will turn rapist one day? Is sex the sole purpose of the marriage? What do they think women are? And the most important one is: who the fuck got this idea?

It has been more than 15 sexual assaults on women in less than a month in Haryana. After reading all such news I expressed my pain and anguish before as well (unwanted girls), and it still is same or rather increasing. Then also it was women who were blamed for so called provocation by wearing alluring clothing. And now they are being blamed for not getting married early. What sense or logic does it make?

These Khap panchayats are still dictating their terms with brute force. They don’t allow love, they don’t allow women to live freely, and they kill people mercilessly in the name of honour. And still they are allowed to flourish. Is it that these rapes are also organized crimes just to put forth their demand for lowering the legal age for marriage?

Every time blaming victims, society, people, culture, customs etc. for rape and not the one who is actually responsible is betrayal of law and civilization. It’s completely preposterous and unacceptable.

“Rape is a monstrous act, we are humans, let’s not forget that.”

Oh! the beauty of Salamanca...

Oh the beauty of Salamanca,
tell me what am I looking for,
when all I could see is fog, mist and snow;
tell me what brings me here,
into this land of forest, ranches and meadow.

Let’s walk together to know more,
the limitless beauty to adore and to explore.
Farms so vast, bare trees, woods and lanes,
I see earth transcending into mountains;
Striving towards the top of the mountain ridge,
I find a breach on my connecting bridge.

Ah! It’s not raining, I am not drenched,
but I don’t deny being soaked in you,
into your flaming fragrance and beauty so true.
Bound in your beauty and yet I feel so free,
Cuddled and bushed up into your arms,
it feels I am bound in the fetters of your charm.

Oh the beauty of Salamanca,

how far I need to walk, and how deep I want to go, 

what are your concealed mysteries that I wish to know. 

I am here to reveal myself or is it something I wish to find,
what is it that takes me and what is it I am craving for,

I must know before I stop, what am I looking for.

*Salamanca is a beautiful town in Spain, I happened to visit there once and this poem is inspired by that place. The interpretation is as always is for the reader. :)

Soak no more into your “Shadow”…

Everybody has a shadow. It is not just your planar projection, it’s deep, very deep. It has a whole world of its own and you too are not beyond the realm of it. The very existence of the conscious and unconscious mind derives the ravaging battle of man against himself.  As defined by Carl Jung “The shadow exists as part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, instincts and shortcomings.” Many a times we talk to ourselves, with conflicting thoughts manoeuvring our rational behaviour. This is nothing but a conflict of our shadow with reality. The shadow will always restrain you. Never allow your shadow to reign you, never undermine your power.

Our fears breathe in our shadow, the more the fears are the darker the shadow becomes. And the darkness of shadow further increases its potency. It then becomes a vicious circle, the fears, weaknesses etc. keep on increasing and shadow keeps on becoming dark. What is needed is to get to know your shadow, interact with it, face it and bring things out of it. There is always an option to live your whole life with fears and blame your failures on others and things like destiny. But valiant is the man who takes a stand against all odds. It takes strength to go against people that surround you, but it takes a mighty courage to go against your shadow.

Many of us live in a fear of faux pas (social blunder), but that originates from our shadow. Our actions are conjugated with the fear of social acceptance. And for the sake of society we are ready to betray our dreams, our love, our life... Can such a person ever gain respect in his own eyes? Can he call him righteous? The guilt will darken his shadow and it’s painful to be effaced.    

Let not your weakness surmount you, do not suppress your dreams, do not eschew or evade reality, believe in your instincts. Shun all your fears, rip all your weaknesses and anything that stops you from living life. Soak no more into your shadow, it will only become dark, and you will never be able to dissolve it. Let not any shadow darken the sunny spot in life…  

Voice of a Rebel (The curious case of twenty-something guy)...

I am asking him to calm down, but he is not listening to me. He is asking me questions that I can’t answer.  That’s why I am calling him a rebel or I guess that’s what society calls a rebel. The rebel in me is talking to myself, he wants some answers. He is adamant and is asking me to go and find them. I am telling him it’s not possible for me, but he refuses to abide. There are rules, which he wants to break, and I want to keep.

I have told him several times that not every dream is supposed to come true and not everybody is supposed to understand your feelings. Sleepless nights will always be a part of your life and you cannot stop being restless. Life suddenly becomes a philosophy, thinking suddenly becomes rational, and people suddenly become smarter. It is all the curious case of twenty something guy. You feel that this all happens in a jiffy, you get no time to grow up and you feel trapped in the world where no one is able to understand you. The rebel keeps telling me that life is not fair, I keep telling him why do you expect it to be fair, who told you that? It’s not if you are good, the world will be good to you. It’s not if you love everybody, then everybody will love you too. How many times do I have to say, Stop Expecting!

He questions even my existence, I have started doubting my life, and it makes me scared. He is afraid of changes, he wants to live in the past, no matter how good or bad it was. The more he tries to keep the past close, the more he coasts away from the present. I keep telling him that everything has to end one day, the beauty is ephemeral and suffering is eternal, that’s how you are made to live. Why do you remind me only of bad times, I fucking hate this!

I do not understand and rather I do not wish to understand this world. Let me walk, please do not rebel. Let me float on the clouds of my dream land, where I am the king. Where no matter what happens I will keep doing things my way. Where I do not have to think about what people say. I still know how to laugh, I still know how to fight, I still know how to get up if I fall. Please do not choke me, suffocate me. Let me alone, let me be myself…

Finishing B.Tech is like losing virginity...

I am done with my engineering, I managed to survive. Finishing B.Tech feels like losing your virginity. Everybody is saying that I am gonna be fucked outside in the job world. It doesn’t make a difference to me - I felt quite fucked up here as well. I used to get gang raped in viva with lab assistant making my MMS. After first year I adopted the policy of “when you cannot avoid it, enjoy it “. Even after studying four years, my knowledge about subjects tends to zero and confusion about what to do in life tends to infinity. I have expertise only in counter strike and CAT is my favourite hobby (for next few more years). I am also an active supporter of Program of Natural Development of youth (PONDY), it is considered as best stress relieving program.

B.Tech is not a degree; it’s a strange phenomenon, with many paranormal activities involved. Lectures can bring mysterious sleep (I always felt insomniac during weekend because of no lectures); The peculiar ritual to beat the ass out of the B’day boy with NCC boots; Aliens like phattu, todu, bond, DJ, doga, baba, gattu, etc. (few have been censored) found only inside campus; going for a morning walk after a night out; drinking at hostel roof at 2 am; peeing at wardens door; bathing is as blasphemous as sleeping early etc etc. The only normal thing is being as happy as possible after screwing all exams.

IITians, considered as rare breed engineers, are nothing but Sex-deprived Pseudo dudes who realize their manhood only during cultural festivals. They feel they will turn into a chick-magnet after clearing JEE. Nothing such happens, but they still go with a same hope in the job or a MBA College. But there also girls are aware of their level of frustration and declare to turn Lesbian than to date an IITian. This struggle ends only after an arranged marriage.

After four years of lecture bunking, eating hopeless mess food, drinking all kinds of alcohol available and believing in Marijuana as the only herb known, I quite screwed up things. Ready or not, I am entering the second phase of my life. The only best thing I feel is a belief that I cannot fuck up things more than this. I have lost my virginity.  

Anyways, despite all fuck up, I will always cherish those beautiful four years where life kept boogieing on my terms.

Rohan

The (un)desirable and (un)wanted girls…

The desire of a male child leads to brutal killing of Afreen and Falak, clearly stating the message that you are not wanted here. A 23-year-old woman gets gang-raped in Gurgaon and our super active government comes with a solution in no time- NO women on streets after 8 pm. 

Fortunately if you can survive the foeticide, infanticide then unfortunately get ready to be raped. Women are assaulted at will and raped frequently even after marriage by their husband. Many countries have made spousal rape a criminal offence, not India. It is treated only as a form of noncriminal domestic violence and accepted as husband’s right.  

Being late out at night, drinking, talking, dressing, which is normal for a guy, if done by a girl, surprisingly becomes a perfect invitation for getting raped! It needs some strange extraterrestrial logic to explain this. I guess our police have something to explain here:

“If girls don’t stay within their boundaries, if they don’t wear appropriate clothes, then naturally there is attraction. This attraction makes men aggressive, prompting them to just do it.”

Rajpal Yadav
Additional SHO, Sector 29, Gurgaon


Bingo! I am sure every girl wants that rape-proof, anti-aggressive, anti-prompting, appropriate clothes.

 “You cannot drive alone at 2 am on Delhi’s roads and then claim that the Capital is unsafe. You should take your brother or driver with you. These reasonable precautions are expected to be taken by all citizens of the city.”

BK Gupta

Delhi Police Commissioner
Quite a reasonable precautions! Add one more – only couples to be allowed in the club must be siblings.

I mean what kind of biological phenomenon is this that a normal guy turns into a sex-crazy animal ready to rape any possible approachable female. And then what kind of law is this that blames women for this heinous crime. And then what kind of humans are we, tolerating this entire nuisance in the society.

In our country a female baby is killed by drowning, force feeding, abandoning and even burying alive. Our country’s capital is called the rape capital; where she is not safe even with her husband; where she cannot move freely and dress liberally. This isn't a sorry state of women, its the sorry state of men.

I feel sad when a girl passing by me and refuses to see into my eyes avoiding the so called wrong signal of, “inviting to rape”. I feel ashamed to be considered just another lewd lecherous guy by her. It is a distressing feeling to live in a society which makes some stupid postulation that the girl’s pride is above her life and then the same society rapes that pride off just to prove the point. Why do we need these proponents of gender equality, why do we need these women right commissions, why do we need special agencies to protect their rights, why do we need convoluted laws to give them justice? And we call our system liberal with equal rights to all, what kind of liberalism is this?

Yes, indeed they are undesired and unwanted at the time of their birth and if by chance they are into this world they are desired and wanted by these lecherous and obnoxious mentally ill men, who have lost their morality along with sanity.  

“Rape is a monstrous act, we are humans, let’s not forget that.”

That girl in green...

Angelic she looked wearing green,
taking me back to the days we were teen,
the charm and lure was there as ever before,
oozing out memories from the days of the yore.
The dark night, the restless sea and the ceaseless sky,
walking hand in hand with no destination to arrive,
I still remember it was February the twenty five…

Her blue eyes gleaming by the sparse moonlight,
the gold chain round her neck so bright,
the waves rising and falling for her single glance,
and the fog enveloping us with love and romance.
The silence of the night and a cold breeze of the sea side,
the moment I waited so long at last arrived,
when our eyes started talking and the words just died…

I wished for night to become abyss and eternal,
dwelling in each other’s eyes and the bliss perpetual,
feeling every moment of life along with her smile,
standing still and motionless and yet crossing a million mile.
But the moon was melting and the night was fading,
the time was running and she had to depart,
and I asked her, how will the love grow when we are apart…

She looked deep into my eyes and asked my heart,
Where do you wish to stay?
and it went to her before I had anything to say.
then she caressed me into the warmth of her arms,
before saying good-bye she whispered to my restive heart,
I will soon be wearing green,
and will meet you again on December the thirteen…

Speak Up!

Sometimes we are shy to speak, sometimes we don’t have the courage, sometimes we don’t speak thinking of the consequences, and sometimes we don’t speak because we are just too involved in other things. At times we also wait for the right time to speak, but death waits for nobody. And then you realize that you waited too long to speak up… and all that is left in the end is a dead hope, a broken promise and a few shattered dreams. So, speak up before it is too late. Speak up before the person is gone from your world. Unspoken feelings leave a deep chasm inside. A void difficult to be filled, because there is no close end to it. Be expressive; express to your loved ones every emotion inside. It’s always better to speak than to keep things inside.

Life is too short for hatred or vengeance. Speak in the tender language of affection and care, words from a kind heart could never hurt anybody. Make a commitment to yourself to speak up, to tell the people around how you feel about them, to tell them how important they are, how special they are for you. People come and go, what they take along are just memories, and its only words that can make that memory a sweet one and worth a remembrance. Also a distressed soul needs nothing but someone to speak to, be that patient listener to the distressed soul. Adore people when they are with you and remember them when they are gone, without regrets...

Death Note...

I am dying. I can feel my pulse going slow and blood going out of my veins. Soon my intoxicated blood will stop flowing; my body will become number. In few moments I will be nothing but a corpse. In these last moments I can feel the panoply of events that happened in my short life. There is a mix of fear and pain in it. My desire to live will come to an end and my longing to know about afterlife will be fulfilled. I will not be able to go home, where my loving ones would be waiting. Who will take care of them? My mother’s everyday prayers for my safe arrival to home will come to an end. How will god be able to face her unfulfilled prayers? But I will go to a place still unknown, concealed and obscured. Predilection of life is overpowering and delaying my death.

I took some poison and cut my veins deep at two spots. I feel that afterlife will be more beautiful. I have chosen that place for me. Somehow death started looking beautiful than life. One small failure became larger than life. My sorrow was able to defeat life. And in the utter state of desolation I chose death…

But then why is it that this seemingly ugly world is not allowing me to die peacefully. How could I expect the afterlife to be better than the life now? What if it is worse? How can I be predisposed towards death? How can I give up on most precious thing-My Life. Death can bring an end to my brief state of distress. But will deprive me of all the moments of love, pride, glory, success which only life can give me. The death no longer seems enticing to me. It’s never too late. Someone, please talk to me. Someone, please save me!!!

~

Death can never be the solution of problems in life. Solution lies in the same world we live in, fight them here, defeat them and taste the victory.